Originally published: Sep 24 2011
WARNING: there is a lot of swearing in this article…
Why Facebook will increase the suicide rate.
There is a Facebook post going around (or maybe it’s old, who cares the jist of it remains the same). It was about how wonderful it is to have Facebook friends and if you are also happy to have Facebook friends then post the article on your wall. My sweet fuck! How desperate can you be to think that the 500 friends you have on Facebook actually give a shit about your life and your universe? You decided to tell your FF about how shitty your day is (worse … You give a hour-to-hour account of how shitty it is) to your closet 500 friends … Who in turn feel compelled to support you in some form of solidarity with a ridiculous “I like” or to comment with their own inconsequential mundane response to your compulsion to share all. Am I missing a trick here? Am I really over the connected hill? Social networking is tantamount to the following:
I call a friend using that dated cellular technology aka a cellphone. He/she answers. This is how the conversation goes:
Ring ring … Ring ring…
“where have all the hours in this crap day gone?”
“thumbs up now fuck off”
Click. End of conversation.
At least in the above scenario 499 of my other friends haven’t had to endure a reason to commit suicide.
Another reason to commit suicide
Yay yay it’s the weekend
I know it’s the damn weekend. Thank you, thumbs up and fuck off as well.
At least thumbs up is easy today. The one’s who feel serially compelled to comment on a posting, such as the yay yay it’s the weekend brigade, with inane statements, like “enjoy”, “have a good one”, etc. Deserve to have their fingers cut off. Wtf, get a life dudes. Throw the tech away and experience the weekend, and yes you guessed it – I don’t want to know if you had a crap or a good weekend. Just do it for yourself.
Comments popularity contest.
Here’s another reason FB is going to increase the suicide rate. I wonder how often people, who think they’re witty, and in fact are not, or have nothing worthwhile to say in real-life social environments let alone to their closest 500 Facebook buddies, feel when they post some mundane crap that wouldn’t interest their own parents, get no comments or thumbs up on the post. Loser. Big time. Dude, not even you Facebook buddies actually give a crap.
Checking in …
Why in this entire world would anyone be interested in knowing when a person has checked in to all places … Like an airport! Why would anyone want to tell anyone else that they have arrived at an airport, let alone all their fiends. are they really friends you must ask yourself if the best that you, as a socially inept individual feel compelled to tell not one, but all of them that you have checked into a goddamn airport.
You’ve all got a couple of these friends. The one’s who have to remind you how wonderful their lives are with a blatant display of, in this instance , fuck you I can check into some exotic destination, in-place, hotel, club etc. Etc. They made it onto their own self created A-list and now want to tell the world that they have arrived! Why??? Is it because they think people are really interested? Is it because they believe that by association, it will give them that level of “hip” that they only get by dropping their Beemer key rings onto bar counters?
As if anyone give a rat’s ass. Yet another thumbs up go fuck yourself now. Look at it this way though, it is only a matter of time before we have our first real world Facebook serial killer, good thing for this phsyco to make it easier to hunt you down – in fact the sooner the better. Please continue to “check-in”.
P.S. Please like my article by clicking here… Thumbs up and fuck-off.